Wish It Would Stay That Way
by eternitys-backpack
Summary: Naruto birthday role around, he decides to disquise himself and go out. WHen no one recognizes him, will he find out what they all really think about him? Short, may be BL/Sasunaru
1. Chapter 1

This will be a short story, it's slightly AU and may turn Yaoi. BL. MAY! may just be brotherly love. ANyway pretend Sasuke never left, OK? that's it. Really short. Probably only be two or three chapters, rated for slightly offensive language and actions. anyway, R&R

Disclaimer. i do not own Naruto, in fact i don't even own the key board and computer i typed it up own because i am a poor piece of shit.

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**Wish It Would Stay That Way**

**Chapter One**

**Poster Child**

I was twelve years old when I found out what I was. I say 'what' instead of 'who' for a reason. 'Who's are people, and what I am cannot possibly be classified as a people, as a who. I am a what, in a world full of 'who's. I remember trying to explain the whole who/what situation to Iruka-Sensei. I still don't think he gets it, but I'm glad he was the one to put a name to my what.

Kyuubi

Monster.

That's certainly what I am. I remember the conversation from which I learned this fact, I won't go into details because I should be focusing on something else right now.

"Sometimes I hear things other people don't." I had been sitting on my old desk, having already moved to be with Kakashi-sensei. As my life developed, as I became a teenager, a grown up, my body and mind changed in a different way then most kids. We both knew it, I just didn't know why. I was twiddling with my blond locks.

"You must have good ears." Iruka smiled, we were in his classroom. He was grading papers from his new class. I remember wondering if one of them was Konohomaru. He didn't understand what I meant.

"Sometimes I feel different then everyone else." All the time, really, "I'll smell something and I swear I could track it down to it's source. I even can tell what animal left it. Or I'll sense danger instead of hearing it. It's this weird churning in my stomach like I'm feeling things I can't touch." Iruka was a Who. He still is. He would never really understand, all he understands is that there is a big fat line between us, something tough to cross. I wouldn't ask him to even try. But he is.

"How's Kakashi? Want to go for Ramen?" He had no streak of subtleness in him.

" I hear a voice sometimes." Iruka's face paled. "It tells me to get angry. It says to let loose, to show all those who never believed me." All the Who's. Then a What wouldn't be out of the loop. I would fit in just fine. Alone. "He tells me to kill them. I don't understand."

That's when he explained it to me. By the end I was sobbing, but happy. I understood now. This is why I was hated, I didn't do anything wrong, it wasn't me. Though that is a frustration in it's self. He said that it was better that I knew, it was better to understand, that he still loves me, that I should be careful.

That I can't listen to Kyuubi.

Despite sensei's wise words, I spoke with Kyuubi more then anyone else. Some stuff is meant to be told, but hard to find someone to tell it to, especially when you're a What. He is the only other What I know. The only other monster. So we talked, at first about battle strategy, but soon my feelings and thoughts were spilt to someone who can't share it. Like a living, responsive diary. He shared His own stories as well. Sometimes we'd share a dream, He always was in human form. He was so beautiful. I told Him this and He told me why He attacked humans,

Envy

He wanted the happiness they bore, they wasted. He wanted a loved one, parents, friends. Things people take for granted, so He hated them for their ignorance. At the same time, all He wanted was to be a human, to be ignorant.

I told him I felt the same.

It was strange, bonding with a mass murder. I won't fool myself to believe that when given the opportunity, He will not take over. He would. But even though he's a threat, I love Him. Like a father, brother, or a piece of me. That would be nice, to love myself, even if just a piece. It's hard to love something everyone hates, but I'm getting there. I think He loves me to, He growls when I'm insulted, He's over protective. I told Him once, that I love him. He smiled but said nothing back. He started to cry. I told Him, He was the most humane thing I ever met.

But now, He's telling me something ridiculous. He wants me to celebrate. Today is October 10th a shared celebration in this vessel. It is the 16th anniversary of my birth and his 'Death' He calls it our sweet sixteen, a time to go out and drink sake.

I call it disaster.

This is the apartment window from which I have spent a total of 12 birthdays staring out of, (I was too little to stare until my third). With the exception of on year, my thirteenth. I will never repeat that scenario.

The streets from my window are packed with two types of people;

Celebrators- celebrating the confinement/end to Kyuubi, to terror, to death.

Mourners- mourning the loss of friends, families and the Fourth Hokage.

Both hate me, the Celebrators because I represent the false image they carry that the Kyuubi is gone, for we are still in existence. The mourners, because my body carries the murderer of all their loved ones. To them, to me, my birthday is a time of despair, or a time to celebrate my best friends 'death'. Going out, probably will never be a good idea. I get enough heckling from a regular daily basis, throw in some drunkards and depressed bible thumping mourners and you have my recipe for disaster.

So, why was I planning to leave? Answer: I'm starved. Ramen, I NEED ramen. I haven't eaten all day or dinner yesterday, as Kyuubi would say, I'm about as clever as a post-it. (which, he says, is a compliment.) I didn't buy my meal ahead of time like a usually do, I got this Look from the store owner as I tried to purchase my meals yesterday. I got the feeling I wouldn't get my packets here, so instead of facing embarrassment, I left.

"My tummy is eating itself!!" I whined.

'_Hold up! Tummy? Do you have the mental capacity of a three year old?' _

"Yes." That is probably the best response.

'_Not sure what to say when you blankly except it.'_

"That's the point of a come-back isn't?"

'_I suppose. Let's go out for chow. I'm starved.'_

"You too?"

'_We share a body.'_

"True. We can't go out. I'll be beaten to a pulp, like last time." The memory of explaining to Sakura and Sasukehow I 'fell down the stairs' was painful. Especially with Kakashi-sensei pitying me from behind and Sakura laughing at me, and calling me an idiot. I'm lucky I lived, apparently I passed out from blood loss, if Iruka-sensei hadn't found me….

'_You're a ninja, ain't you? Disguise yourself. No one would know it was you!'_

"NO!" Then my stomach growled loudly. "Fine."

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ts odd but reviews make me type faster. thats it for now! Thx!


	2. Chapter 2

hee, chap two, not the last chap but probably second last, i've been so busy lately, i only started this story because i hit writers block in the other one, didn't think it would be so popular. Anyway here R&R

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_'blueblue' -_Kyuubi

'Blueblue' Naruto thinking

_**The Ramen Shop**_

I'd covered up the scars on my cheeks with left over make up from Halloween and pulled a blue baseball cap on backwards. I surveyed the damage in my mirror. Not much damage. In fact I looked exactly like me except my cheeks seemed…empty.

"I still look like me, plus I don't like hiding you."

'_Try a not-so-orange out fit,' _Kyuubi chuckled._ 'I don't mind being hidden kit, I know what you are _

_thinking.'_

Of course, He always knew what I was thinking, He's inside my brain. But even if He wasn't, He would know that I would never be ashamed of Him, that I was proud to have Him in me, that I love Him. Hopefully.

He popped into Field as I redressed. It always sort of freaked me out when He did that. Field was what we call the white zone. The little splotch to the side of your vision that you don't really see, because there is nothing there, but there is something there when I look. It's His spiritual energy becoming a physical form. It's like he's standing right beside me, my vision sort of splits, like I'm seeing two different worlds at once, but I was used to it. I can't touch Him though, sometimes I can even see though Him, but He knows I like being able to see him.

"Well?" I asked gesturing at my non-orange dark wash Jeans and my slimming black wife beater. Bow I look like a smaller version of myself, yeah, cause _I_ need to look skinnier. It's depressing how skinny I am, I mean, I'm a fucking ninja! I should at least have some muscle definition! I'm pretty sure a simple changing of clothing and covering my telltale scars will not exactly challenge the wits of most. I look strange, but still like me. I refuse to go out.

My tummy growled.

I made sure to lock the door on my way out. This time of year I always got some smart ass thinking he was the first to try to spray paint 'MONSTER' on my door. Yeah guys, ingenious. I sulked carefully to the stairway, careful to avoid eye contact with the walls. (the halls were empty) I stared down the suddenly intimidating inanimate wooden steps. I swallowed the building urge to run and my spit.

'_Take the plunge' _Kyuubi said dramatically before chuckling,_ 'Seriously, suck it up you yellow bellied brat!' _Yellow bellied? Honestly.

"Last time I checked you took up main residence over the surface of my stomach." Tapping the swirling insignia that rotated around my belly button.

'_Yeah, I planned that, see. Being trapped in punk like you was my biggest dream since I was a kit.'_ Kyuubi stated edgily. Yeah, he loved me. (right?)

"Glad I could help." I gulped and stepped down the first stairs.

Before I knew it I had reached the bottom floor and was enjoying the sun that slotted through the door way. Predictably, drunkards were roaming around outside my apartment. Pathetic, it was only 7pm.

'_Human's suck at holding there liquor. Speaking of which, let's grab some Sake and Ramen!' _He must be starved, He was never so into my life.

"Alright." I said, seemingly to myself. I swallowed a large gulp of air and stepped out into the tainted dirt roads, half hopeful that I will pass unnoticed and dreading it at the same time. On one hand lies the prospect of passing a birthday unnoticed, on the other, my friends not recognizing me because I'm not wearing orange. Wouldn't that be sad? It would mean that they had never really even looked at me, it went against everything I stood for.

'_C'mon Kit, don't be so negative!' _Kyuubi chuckled, patting my back. _'the ramen calls.'_ there was something strange about his cheerfulness, it seemed kind of forced. Shaking my head I dislodged the thought and edged along in the shadows towards the ramen stand. And I came across my first encounter, bang, bang, bang, three in a row actually.

Shikmaru, Ino, and Choji occupied three of the four seats. I sat gruffly next to them, the drunks had been easily by passed by not looking in their faces, but these people KNEW me. Ino was first to look up, I blipped and made eye contact.

_Fuck._

Her big blue eyes bore into mine for a half a second, I'm doomed, I should just bolt away now, crawl back into my room, dive beneath my boring green comforter and suffer through a foodless day with the class of a high rank ninja.

A flicker in her eyes I knew to be recondition, then, to my great surprise, she batted her drawn out eye lashes.

"I do say, you look a right fight are you ok sweetie?" Her voice was honey coated and she smiled the smile she usually reserved for Sasuke. Did she call me 'Sweetie'?

'_Ew.' _It was short and quick and made me hide a smile beneath my palm, just the way he said it.

"Um, I'm sorry miss, it's just…I'm really hungry and a little tired." I tried masking my voice by mixing it with Kyuubi's, so it came out a shade deeper then usual.

"Sure you weren't just dazzled by my beauty." She said swishing her bleach blond hair back flirtatiously.

Kyuubi made a gagging noise.

"Ah, you caught me, that too." I wasn't sure what to say to her, at this point Choji turned to me. Shrugged and returned to his ramen, I ordered a dish and turned to Ino. For some reason there was a blush on her face.

"Are you from around here?" She said to my lips. Why was she staring at my lips?

'_She wants to kiss you.'_ His voice was dry and clearly not attracted to this concept.

"Uh, no." My pause and stutter probably gave me away. She narrowed her eyes, she was after all, a ninja.

"Are you traveling alone? How old are you? Where are you from? Why are you traveling? Are you trained physically? " Her eyes soften upon my tight chest and arm muscles. I suddenly realized that she was flirting with me, and I sort of didn't like the feeling of her baby blue eyes scaling my body like a skilled mountain climber. "Are you single?" Ino added as an after thought.

'_What is with the twenty questions?'_

"Uh, yes and I'm 17." I went with a year older. I quickly made up a story, mind you, it was vaguely similar to reality but I'm not quick on my feet. I swallowed noodles in-between words, I was starved,

"I grew up on a wheat and dairy farm in the country side, my father was running low on money so we started selling to anyone who bought, including Wave or Sound. It was not illegal, it was barely frowned upon in times of need, but the ninja heard of a farmer leaking information to the other side and killed a lot of farmers in the process of hopeful elimination. My father was atop suspect simply because it was known he did not support the war. He was a man of peace, a pacifist, and they murdered my older brother, dad, and mom. After that everyone thought me to be the son of a villain, although later my fathers innocence was proven. The entire village frowned upon me, beat me, it was not a life worth living, so I left. Been travelling for three years now picking up odd jobs here and there but I've yet to find a place worthy to stay in, a place where people are treated fairly and equally." I finished my story and ordered a second bowl of noodles.

'_Does that make me the evil ninja?'_ Kyuubi's voice was slow. He was sad.

'No, the dead older brother whom I miss everyday.' I thought to him. Ino was silent, her eyes wide.

"Doesn't exist." Shikamaru finally glanced at me, made eye contact and snorted. He put one of his naruto in my dish. I grinned he recognized me, but wasn't going to foil my game, nor did he have the energy.

"Doesn't mean I have to stop looking." I said cheerfully, Ino looked on the verge of tears. Shikamaru smiled up at the clouds, I always liked him and I get the feeling he likes me as well. Though, maybe it's wishful thinking.

"What's your name?" Ino said slowly, carefully.

Shit, uh, uh,

'_Daisuke. That was the first human I thought was worth letting live.' _

"Daisuke, you?" I just said whatever Kyuubi told me.

"Ino, that's Shikamaru and Chouji."

"Tell me, pretty Ino, why is everyone drunk and moaning or whatever?" I slurped my second bowl at ramen. She explained the well known story of the evil Kyuubi and his doings, I almost laughed.

'Man, they make you sound so evil and cruel.'

'Grr, I am, see. I'll steal your precious metals and rape your dog. Bwahahaha." That nearly set me off, I pretended to cough.

"Why are they gathered around that building." I pointed at the vigil around my apartment. I always wondered what people who didn't know about my inner roommate thought everyone hated me for, to my surprise Ino hushed her voice and said:

"Well, to tell the true a sickening thing lives there. A boy, about 16, he carries the beast in him, still alive. He's a reincarnation of that evil thing. He makes me physically sick. Uzumaki Naruto." Then she spit on the ground. I was reminded again that she was very much a Who and I was very much a What. It made me angry.

'_I'll kill her.'_ Came the strained demonic voice from inside.

'Tact.' I told him. I thought they weren't supposed to know?

"Oh? What is he like?" She blinked as I asked, meanwhile Shikamaru gave me a look like he was sorry, and Chouji looked uncomfortable with the topic of conversation.

" I already told you, he's a demon." She said like she was talking to an idiot.

"No, you said he had to carry the demon. Poor kid really growing up with something like that over him. It's probably a lot of hardship to suffer with something trying constantly to take over,"

'_hey!'_

" a lot of pressure to keep the village safe. Imagine if he got mad once and released it? He would probably be spared, but you guys? Gone." I whistled for effect. Ino's eyes widened a fraction. "Of course, you must treat him like a hero. Right?"

'_Hn, clever boy.' _Praise was rare, and felt good. _'And true, I'd toast their asses and keep you as a pet. You're cute.' _I blushed.

"We, uh,. . ." Ino looked like she just found out Santa wasn't real.

"They want to beat on him, that's why they're standing there." Shikamaru nodded at the people under my building. "He's a friend of mine when he's not being troublesome. He tries to hide behind his bravo, but a few of us see the bruises, the scars, he flinches when you reach out to rub your head, like he thinks you're going to bash him. I see his door, covered in stains from where he desperately tries to clean the graffiti, the only orphan from the war not allowed to live in the orphanage, the only one never adopted. It's sad cause he's a good kid, he should learn to vent every once in a while, yell what he's thinking. Naruto is a thoughtful little bugger, but he's afraid to be himself around others." He looked meaningfully at me. He wanted his words to reach me and they did.

He noticed everything? I wanted to cry.

" Ever notice the coupons he has to clip out of a magazine just to get ramen, he tried to get a job once, but no one would hire him. Just because he was saving the town by carrying a demon." Chouji shook his head thoughtfully and sighed. I was thankful I brought my small fund to pay tonight. It was interesting learning who my real friends are.

"But, he, I mean, he's a, and it," Ino looked terrible, like she'd committed some terrible sin. Horrified she looked up at me. I stood dropped my money on the counter.

"Well," I said evenly, "Guess I was way of tracking coming here for equality and fair judgement." I began to stride off, Shikamaru called:

"Good luck finding paradise Daisuke." I waved without so much as looking back. Hope Ino got something out of that conversation.

'_Bitch, the boys may live, but she's going to hell when I escape.'_ He latched his arms around my small shoulders like an over protective boyfriend, as he did often, as if he was sulking or perhaps this was his way of hugging. Either way, I felt a lot warmer in his embrace then anywhere in the world.

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review, who should he meet next?


	3. Chapter 3

here is chap three, the sensei's. i might make this longer depending on the reviewers. plus what pairing (if any) should io make it? right now, its just fluff, and it will probably only be fluff. oh well. R&R

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Bar Nuts

Anger propelled me to the local bar, screw legal drinking ages. I pushed the door open and almost got trampled by hundreds of drunks. Oh, yeah. Whoops. Someone was singing a broken song about a lover who ran away with a fox, the misty air was filled with smoke and the floor with Celebrating dancers thumping against other bodies as if fearful they might disappear. I wanted to see someone I knew, to cram my scheme into anyone, to prove my very existence. So far the recognition scale was one out of three. On the plus side the hate rate was only one of three again. Luckily the two Ones were not the same person.

I sulked to the bar and order sake, the man looked at me like I was weird but gave it to me anyway. An old man's drink, but I didn't have some what of an oldie in my.

'_Oy.' _Kyuubi snapped, then his voice softened a piece. _'Kit, don't take her to heart. She's just some blondie.'_

'Thanks.' I thought at him before downing the sake and calling for a second with my two pointer fingers. I had only downed the two when I decided to dance for a bit, I felt the rhythm tickle through me, people I had never met strummed against my thighs and soul, there is no hatred in a dance with strangers. Later I sat back down and moments later someone sat beside me. Iruka, Kakashi and Asuma. Gee, my night is just falling together soooo nicely.

'Should never have left the house.'

'_Shh, they're talking.'_

"Today's the day. Again." Iruka glanced out the open bar, you could clearly see the growing riot outside my house. I was sure he, of anyone would recognize me. Best not to draw attention to myself. I swished some of the fingered and unhealthy bar peanuts into my mouth and eavesdropped.

"Poor kid." Asuma shook his head. Gee, thanks for the sympathy, load of help THAT does.

"Yeah, no need to go crazy. He is sort of annoying but, come on." Kakashi drank some of what looked like raspberry drink. Iruka frowned. I felt sort of sick. Wasn't your first drink supposed to be celebrating your birthday with friends, not eavesdropping on your very own pity party?

"If only everyone would just forget about it. The kid is having a hard time, wish I could help." He wished he could help? Perhaps my emotions had been swung into overload, or the sake was giving me courage, either way when I heard that, I snapped out through tight lips;

"Well, all you'd have to do is send him some money every once in a while." The three turned to face me. Iruka looked straight into my eyes, and suddenly I felt bad. I cussed him out when he was the first to except me, treat me like a human, sort of. He would recognize me. Iruka raised an eyebrow.

"Who are you to judge? I don't see you out there stopping that riot."

My heart fell. He didn't recognize me. Something inside me got very still then exploded.

"Well, well, well. At least I'm not throwing him a pity party. You disgust me." I spit to the side.

"You're the blond kid my team told me about right?" Asuma said slowly, "the runaway dairy farmer who hates ninjas." That's quiet a title I've earned. Kakashi looked at me. 'Please' I begged, 'see me.'

"The one searching for paradise? Daisuke or something."

"I love that kid. You have no right to judge, stranger." Iruka looked genuinely pissed. Good.

"You _love_ him? Hypocrite. Bet you can't even look him in the eyes! Coward!" My voice rose with each intoxicating word. Things I'd been holding onto for so long, finally said.

"You're right! I can't, but at least I tried. I'm afraid that when I look into his eyes I'll feel hatred." Iruka made eye contact with the ground. " He's talking to it, I see him smile to himself, or catch him speaking aloud to no one. It scares me."

"Maybe he's just LONELY! every think of that?" I was so ready to scold.

'_Kit, calm down.'_

" I know the truth, you're lonely too. You figure, hey, if I make friends with the local reject he won't have any other friends, he'll cling to me when I want him and go away when I order him to. If you loved him you'd be up there!" My finger shook violently at my home. I downed another drink.

"I'm the only one to be nice to him, you know how hard that is? You try it, everyone looks at you funny." Iruka spat. "It's hard, but I do it for him! I fell for that intoxicating smile."

"Well, why don't you try being fucking _him_!" I seethed. _He_ wanted a pity party?

'_KIT!' _Kyuubi hissed. Trying to calm me.

"Shut up!" I grabbed my head. I could feel faces turn towards me. Kyuubi had reached the max, he whelmed up inside me, I felt him use my voice. I felt his words fall out of my own mouth, but in his low deep voice.

"_Naruto, you've never been like this. You can't control your charka! Let me absorb some of the alcohol in your blood stream!"_ came his bellow, I twisted my head in another direction. The instinctual reaction with dual conversations.

"No! I finally have the courage to say them, and damn I'm going to say them!" I yelled back, out loud. I knocked my drink over and the liquid flowed all over me.

"_Kit, your anger is frying my system, I can't promise control! You have to take a breather!" _He yelled back. I looked to be having a conversation with myself.

"I don't care, you can kill them all!" I jumped to my feet and knocked over the stool.

"_You're lying. This is not the Kit I know."_

"Naruto?" Kakashi said blankly.

"My own birthday." I replied emptily. "I spend it in my closet. I put the mattress in the closet, lock its door and stay perfectly still, I don't sleep. I barely breath. I have to hide all breakable items. I spend my first day as a year older scrubbing the scent of piss off my walls and spray paint off my doors." I slid down the wall slowly. "And all these years you sat here drinking, and pitying." I started to cry, my tears washing out the make up on my cheeks.

"You said you loved me, but all I did was cover my cheeks, and it's like I'm a stranger. I hate you!" I half sobbed, half screamed. Kyuubi was still speaking aloud through me.

"_Shh, shh. It's alright Kit." _his soft melodic voice filled the air as I sobbed into my arms. His arms. _"It's okay Naruto."_ He spoke softly into my hair.

"I can't do this anymore Kyuubi," I looked around the bar, the music had died off and the dancers frozen on the floor. "Just kill me." I said looking straight up at my shocked sensei's and crying.

"_Now, now. You are bigger then this."_

"Am not!" I sobbed.

"_Then I misjudged you." _he said clearly, to the whole bar._ "You spent 15 years braving this through. 15 years pretending not to care. You can make another 15, another 40. Look at your beloved sensei," _I did as I was told. _"It's not you he's afraid of Naruto. It's not you. It's me. No one hates you, it's me they hate. It's okay."_

"Call me selfish, but I have a hard time understanding that. If it was only you, I wouldn't be here crying," I could feel everyone breathing together and slow. "Besides you'd still be my friend." There was a pause.

"_You're a terrible drunk." _Kyuubi laughed his strained bellow.

"You're the one that told me to go out drinking." I said, a smile growing.

"_I drove you to drink?" _Came the intelligent answer.

"Yes."

"_Harsh." _Kyuubi and I laughed together, our voices mingling in one throat, harmonizing.

"Naruto, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Iruka said suddenly. "I'm not brave enough." I forgave him. I always would, he'd embedded himself in me, like a father. I smiled up at him. What did I expect? Looking at his brown eyes, all I saw was a scared little boy, who just wanted his parents back.

"_You know what we're going to do?" _Kyuubi asked suddenly.

"What?"

"_You're going to let me suck up all this booze, you're going to march out of this bar, possibly throw up, and spend your birthday celebrating for once."_ Kyuubi spoke brightly. So I stood, brushed my self off, and walked towards the door.

"Naruto!" Iruka called softly. I turned, he looked me write in the eyes and said; "Happy birthday."

I smiled, stepped outside, and threw up.

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Review?


	4. Chapter 4

Srry it took so long. will probably be my last update for a bit, just untill may is over. I have three trips, two tests and 6 projects. I'm swamped. Plus i gotta throw a costume together for anime north in toronto! Woot! Who's going? Anyway:

Same old disclaimer. DOn't own it, blah blah blah, not beta edited some swearing mildly weird. Blah blah, Naruto is pretty drunk, blah blah...blah.

Here you go;

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**Liquid Mirrors**

I never liked mirrors. They were very superficial, why would I need to know what I looked like all the time? I used to make faces in them, rearrange my childish features into strange twists and humorous sour dough looks. I don't know whether I was just lonely and bored, or didn't really want to look at myself. Even then I wanted an identity change, any other face but my own.

I reapplied the brown tan makeup that matched my skin and hid my scars.

'_Kiss, kiss, dah-ling' _Kyuubi teased, and I puckered my lips playfully. I laughed alone on the empty streets and listened to my drunken hoot echo back at me. No, never alone. I had _him. _

I strolled aimlessly along.

"Should we find someone else?" I asked thoughtfully. I had experienced two horrible encounters and was not yet allowing myself to quit the self torture.

'_Why?_' Kyuubi voice still came out a strangled whisper from my throat; we were both sort of drunk. _'Didn't you already manage to destroy a couple relationships? This is about having a fun birthday, not engaging verbal battles with the neighbours.' _

But it was too late. I locked my sights on a row of four;

Lee, Tenten, Kiba and Shino.

'_Oh, Lord.' _Kyuubi sighed, _'Not that I believe in Gods or anything. Demons are usually atheists. The whole demon thing really puts a downer on Gods._

I smiled vaguely and began my careful stroll over to the collection, I had long since given up the guise I would be recognized. As I approached I realized the ridiculousness of all this? What was the point? Beating myself up repetitively just to prove how suckish my life is? Swell. Too late.

"So you saw them to right?" Kiba asked Lee as I wondered closer.

"Ya, they do it every year. I never could figure out why all their hatred came out now of all days. I figured they were all just drunk enough to try something but…" Lee trailed off. I was now only three steps away. Please, please don't let this conversation be what I think it is…

"Ever since Ino told me about him, it sort of makes sense." Tenten clarified what I knew was already coming.

"I can't believe I hung around it. Makes me sick." Kiba called me an 'it' well if that isn't a downer, I don't know what is. I wonder how Ino found out anyway. Her mom? Oh.

'_Ya, my bad.' _Kyuubi whispered. We'd sobered up enough that I could keep him from speaking aloud if I concentrated._ 'Ya, I killed her mum. Sorry kit.'_

'Wait to go.' I thought back stubbornly. I hiccupped and the three ninja's whirled to face me.

"Oh, sorry-" Realization dawned, and I suddenly cut off and started laughing. It's just… "Ha- I can't believe-ha ha heh- ninja-ha hah- drunk, snuck up- ha-" I took a cleansing breath and clutched my stomach, trying to stop laughing. They all gave me the 'stupid drunk, you're invading our private conversation' look.

"I can't believe I snuck up on some ninja's. Man, I'm stone cold drunk and I still beat your sorry gossiping asses. Man." I giggled a bit more then I would have liked, but hey, I _was_ drunk. Even Kyuubi was giggling with me. Shino paused. If anyone here recognized me, I had a feeling it would be him. Better be careful.

"Were you talking about Ino, the girl with blond hair and blue eyes?" I asked, carefully not looking at Shino.

"Yeah? You know her?" Tenten narrowed her eyes expectantly.

"Yeah, the bitch came on to me while I was eating then ragged on some guy because he has demons or mono or something." I slurred a bit and tried to sober up before I started singing the Gilligan's Island theme.

"Oh, figures. She said it was just between us, bitch. Doesn't know how to keep a secret." Tenten snapped, waving her hand dismissively and missing the irony.

"That explains why you're sharing the juicy details with dumb, dumber and dumbest over here." I let it sink in for a second, oh sweet irony, have your fill.

"This is different, they _need_ to know. Or else they might keep talking to him." She sniffed at me. I couldn't believe _they_ were ninja's, I mean, honestly? I was _right_ in front of them, barely a disguise, barely sober. And, apparently, a very large threat.

"What's wrong with that?" I asked a little taken back by the concept. They weren't even going to _talk_ to me anymore? Rude.

"He's a monster though." Lee said looking at me like I was wearing a pickle on my nose and dancing the hula in an astronaut costume. Oh. I'm a monster, duh. I laughed a bit more, my drunken half assed low one. Kyuubi joined in.

'_What're we laughing about?' _he said between chuckles.

"Dunno, everything seems ridiculously funny when you're drunk." I answered aloud. I quickly covered it up by continuing to talk. "Monster? Man, I saw this kid. What a stick. Little blonde dope tripping over himself into fences. A danger? What kind of ninja's are they raising?" An old woman in a red shawl carrying a photo of a lost loved one strolled by to mourn. I glanced up at her, and it happened. In a split second I recognized the signs, in the white zone Kyuubi's face fell, my heart rate picked up. See, demons don't remember things like humans do. Nothing but the basic idea remains constant. Things like where they are going, who they are, big things they've accomplished. Though, they're memories are so expansively detailed, but only when triggered. The picture and the shawl did it. The vivid imagine rolled through my mind as if I myself had been there. It came in-between flashes of black.

The woman in red, dashing into the house. _Flash. _Gathering her children together. _Flash_. Shoving them into the basement, yelling something. Yelling a name. George. _Flash._ George running out of the house, dressed like a farmer. _Flash._ George ushering her in, whispering that she and the children will be safe. Relax Amile, relax. _Flash_. I lifted the George to my height. Peering down at him. _Flash_. 'Don't take them, please, let them live. My son, Dan, has the talent of a first rate ninja. My Daughter, Gene is in getting married. And Kyle, lord Kyle. He wants to be a farmer, like his daddy. Please, please.' _Flash_. 'Take me instead.' _Flash_. I felt George's writhing body crunch between my enormous fists. Watched his life force fade into a dim glow, then nothing. _Flash_. Self-hatred. Loneliness. I just want someone to love me like that. _Flash. _Please. _Flash. _

I was back. The memory faded.

"-id? Kid? KID!" Kiba shook my arm. I looked up at him, then back to the old lady shuffling towards us. "Are you okay? Kid?" I shook his arm off and looked at her.

"Amile." I said softly to her back as she passed us. She whirled around to face me, eyes wide and sad.

"Do I know you boy?" She said in a pleasant voice. The kind I imagined a mother to have.

"No I-" I what? Killed your husband? Want to apologise.

'_Can we apologise? Please?' _Kyuubi whispered.

"How? How do I explain it?" I said more to myself then Kyuubi, or Amile. Tenten, Lee, Kiba and Shino gathered closer as Amile moved towards me curiously. An idea hit.

"Just tell me honestly." She said in her soft honey comb voice. Her mother's voice.

"He's sorry. He tried really hard." I said softly. "He wants you to be happy. He's so proud of them, Dan, Gene and Kyle."

She scrunched her eyebrows. "How do you know my children? Who's proud?"

"George." The picture slipped from her hand, I stuck my hand out and caught it.

"Excuse me?" Tears started flowing. "Do not make fun of an old woman boy, George is dead."

"But his spirit is so strong, I thought maybe you should hear what he's saying." I looked at the ground. It was the only way to apologise, the only way to help. But it felt wrong, mean.

"He's here?" She sobbed, looking widely around. "Spirit?"

"He remembers Kyle wanting to be a farmer, like his Daddy."

"He did, he is. Oh George." She sobbed grapping Kiba's shoulder and releasing tears on him. Kiba gave me a wide eyed stare over her shoulder. "You really see him? Don't you." Kiba looked around widely.

"His daughter, Gene? Was going to get married and Dan, a ninja?" I said staring into space. All the while, I could hear Kyuubi talking softly.

'_I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.'_ he kept repeating. He was, he really was. The woman nodded her head against Kiba's chest.

"Oh, it was all he could do. He wanted so badly for you to be safe. He loved you dearly. He's sorry he had to leave. He's so sorry." Now I was crying.

"I'm sorry." Kyuubi said through me softly in his deep voice, clearly not mine. The four ninja's heads snapped towards me. I handed he woman back her picture.

"George is gone now. He's in heaven, he'll wait for you, but he wants you to be happy. He said to live both your lives, enjoy it enough for him to. I'm sorry if I hurt you, or scared you. I just wanted to get the message across." he died for you, he loves you and wants you to live. "Please be happy."

I turned to walk away.

"Thank you." She said, Amile. A Beautiful woman, with tear stained cheeks and a smile.

"Wait!" Kiba, Lee, and Tenten called running up to me. Amile had already wondered of, likely to her children.

"What about me?"

"I lost my grand dad!"

" Do you see her?"

"Where?"

"Does he still love me?"

"Tell her I miss her!"

They're faces blurred in front of me.

"Kid? You okay?"

Kiba?

Tenten?

Lee?

Shino?

Kyuubi.

My world faded away. Like liquid mirror.

* * *

btw. I'm sorry some nice likable characters are mean. Understand, they were raised to hate Naruto, to ahte Kyuubi. They are likely good characters, i just make them mean becasue it s how dhey are raised. I'm sleepy. Review. g'night.


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